Gotta have a WAWA (Family)

My husband worked for an amazing company.  Something we always felt but not until he went home did I really see how amazing. His friends and coworkers have walked this journey with me every step of the way.  But yesterday was the icing on the cake!  It was one of the hardest days yet.  I cried out to the Lord from the depth of my being.  I’ve heard it said “He interprets our moans and groans”…. because some pain is so deep that’s all we have. God really hears our inexpressible cries. Well he used my husband’s coworker to answer.  I received a call from the florist they had flowers to deliver. Only the Lord Jesus and my husband know what flowers mean to me and how perfect the moment was to get them. It was to me the Lord saying I hear your cries my daughter.

And they even came with balloons! Well that brought the little girl in my right out. Something my husband could always do…he could make me feel like the most audacious woman and a little girl all at the same time…so I wrote a note to Richard and tied it to them and was sending them up, up and away to my beloved!

Well they didn’t get far…LOL. But they landed in the perfect spot!

Right in the tree above the gazebo… right where we loved to sit the most and talk and pray for hours… right where we often sat and enjoyed the remains of the day with our granddaughter and the pack this summer... right in the tree he was trimming six years ago when he had a horrible chainsaw accident that should have taken his life then but God was gracious enough to give me six more years.  And right outside my favorite place to sit in the house so I can see them when I look out the window.

To remind me he has not really left me J

So this blog I’m dedicating to my Wawa family who sent the flowers and allowed God to use them to answer my inexpressible cry.

You could honor my husband in no greater way then to love on his Anna. Thank you from the depth of my heart... I love you 270!

 

It used to be...

It used to be your face I saw across the table.

Now it’s just this…



It used to be your hand caressing my cheek...

Now it’s my own wiping away my tears.

It used to be you who came to my rescue...

Now it’s a random neighbor or friend God puts in my path.

It used to be you who always reassured me when life became too overwhelming...

Now it’s overwhelming because you’re gone.

It used to be you I poured my heart out to...

Now I write it on a blog.

 

 

 



Silent Sunday

My Therapy

I have been spending time up at my friends stable photographing her horses, cleaning stalls… and today I even started riding again. I haven’t since I was a young girl. I can’t tell you what therapy this is for me. I think this quote actually says it best. 

“There is something about the outside of a horse that is good for the inside of a man.”   ~Winston Churchill

I Feel like this horse read my soul

He is a bit of a wild child...

I’m always draw to the wild ones. The ones that are just socially not always correct. I can so relate to that...lol

 The rest are just some of my favorite shots I want to post for my Jewel J Thank you for just letting me invade your world my dear friend.

Not my bad

I love days when it feels like the Lord kissed you. Today was one of them for me.  I said to the Lord after Richard went home. “I’m not going to ask you way”. I truly trust God so I don’t feel like I need an answer to that question. But this morning I did have a question and it was …”Did I do something to deserve this…did I open a door to the enemy somewhere?” He answered this a few hours later in a word I was reading from a ministry I enjoy. 

Word For Those Who Have Suffered

I received this prophetic word specifically for people who have felt that God is calling them to something more, but have experienced a great deal of hardships and setbacks:

"The attack of the enemy has really been greater than you deserve. As a result of this God is going to give you a greater amount of favor and advancement – it is because you did not deserve all the pain you had to walk through to get it!"

God is healing "hope deferred" and disappointment in people who have nearly given up hope.

 Now that’s what I mean by being kissed by God. Like a Father scooping up a hurting child and kissing their boo boo away….is what that word felt like to me.

There is no one like our God!  

Thank you don't seem like enough sometimes

Yesterday I went to get a bible for a young lady that received Jesus at Richard’s "going home celebration"… as he wanted his funeral called.  He said "I will be more alive than any of you so just celebrate that and Jesus most of all"…so we did!  I also have wanted to get a pocket bible for awhile and because of everyone’s generous gifts I was able to do that.  I found the perfect one….what do you think?

So to everyone who has honored my beloved Richard and blessed me… please know every time I use this bible I will not only think of Richard but remember the kindness and love that has been shown to me…not just in monetary gifts but in your kind words, in your sincere tears and your willingness to take this journey with me.

BIG HUGS!

Beauty for ashes

I know there is light at the end of this dark tunnel

In my prayer time this morning I was reading Isaiah 54. It’s one of my favorite passages in the bible. Today something the Lord showed me has made it even more meaningful.  In verse 4 it says… “you will remember no more the reproach of your widowhood”.  I looked up the word reproach and one of the definitions is “disappointment”. Only the Lord knew that’s exactly how I feel right now. On top of just missing Richard with every ounce of my being….the disappointment of all the dreams we had together no longer being possible aches my heart. But now I hang on to this promise that... somehow …. someday and in only the way that God can… I will not have this ache from unfulfilled dreams.  I think of it this way… Years ago I had a miscarriage….that was such a painful time. However very soon after that I was pregnant again with my beautiful daughter. Even though I still think of that baby and know someday I will see that child in heaven.  The disappointment of the unfilled dream is not there.  Speaking of baby’s... I found out the day we put my beloved Richard to rest our daughter is having her first baby!  He/She is due a few days before Richards’s birthday.  And anyone who has read my blog for even a short time…you know I can do Grammy! LOL  

Thank you Jesus for giving us beauty for ashes!