Monday, August 25, 2014

Dancing among the ruins.

Two years in heaven. You know my love I'm so jealous!  But I still feel your presence so strongly with me. Like I have through every moment of this journey. Even now as I'm shedding my mourning garments and allowing God to replace them with garments of joy, I see you smiling with approval.  Because I know no one knew my heart and my love for you better then you.  I know I gave you everything I was. And I thought it all went home with you.  But I'm seeing now my heart can beat again.

A dear friend of ours told me she saw you smiling at me with your hand on the small of my back ever so gently pushing me into this next season.
What a lovely thought, and oh so you Richard.  
Your love was always so sacrificial and unselfish.
But it's scary.  It makes it all finally feel so real .... Your gone.... Your home.  I know it's hard for some of the people around me to process this as well. But I've done this journey so publicly up till now and I can't change that.  I want people to see the joy on the other side of grief. I want to show others the goodness of God by living out loud.  

Our friend I spoke of earlier also said this to me. 
"God is not going to waste your heart".  Isn't that beautiful? He's not going to pour His love into our hearts and not give us a place to pour it back out.  I wouldn't even begin to say I know my future.... I have truly learned to live one day at a time.  But I do now see love is definitely part of it.  And I know you approve. So this anniversary I am celebrating with you my love.  Because we are both right were God has ordained for us to be and that has always been our greatest desire.  
Happy two years in heaven.....
I am dancing among the ruins my love.

Give Jesus the biggest kiss for me!

Love Lightning Your,


In loving memory of my beloved Richard