Wednesday, January 1, 2014

My New Year's resolution.

Well, I asked God one of my crazy questions again the other day.   He surprised and delighted me with an answer, and shocked me even more at how He brought it.
I asked Him...

“Does Richard see how much I miss him, and how much I hurt?”
No matter what I was going through when Richard was alive here on earth. It would always bring me great comfort that he knew.  Not that I even needed him to fix it, or have any answers for me, just that he knew and cared.  And he always did. Even if he didn’t understand he had such compassion for his wifey. :)

Moving forward later in that day I received a text from a dear friend. She was thanking me for a gift I had given her YEARS ago.  It was a bottle with stones shaped into tears.  She wasn’t thanking me for that, she was thanking me for the little note I added to the tag, that she said she never seen before.  Here it is…

She said she needed to hear that on that particular day. And, Wow! So did I!
So what does that have to do with my New Year’s resolution you ask?
I decided I’m going to stop asking God crazy questions….I’m freaking my friends out…lol
No, no, no.... I’m just kidding!

I look back at how many years ago God went ahead of my friend and I to comfort us on that given day.
So my New Year’s resolution is... "To try to allow God to use me more to bring his love and comfort. To try and be more obedient to seemingly, little details".  In the process it really brings healing to us all. :)

“He” sees it all baby!


  1. Mom Kim here - I wanted to stop by yesterday, even had your blog on my screen but the dryer summeoned me away and t hen there was that sink of dirty dishes - life interrupts sometimes. I have been reading some of your past blog posts as well as current and I continue to be amazed at how honest you talk about what is happening with you. Along with the loss of both of my parents and some relatives, I also deal with on a daily basis the loss of a few of my own physical abilities, expecially my vision which I have talked about on Team Beaglebratz - but never from the standpoint you talk of. Most of what I say is more from the technical aspects of what is happening with my vision loss - not much at all what I am feeling. Like you I ask God different things - even like you did in your post of 12/10/13, I have asked Him to please take me to be with Him but of course that doesn't happen. O-M-G! Please bear with me I just realized something and not sure if it was just a coincidence or ?????????? On 12/10 in your post you said "I stood in the shower this morning crying to God…."please take me home!". I realized - that was the same day I had just got out of the shower, my vision tends to somedays be decent and then other days not so good and this was a not so good time - I was crying out to God that I was tired of fighting this and to please take me now. It was later that morning at work, when I passed out and ended up going by ambulence to hospital and staying overnite for observation. Doctors don't know what caused that to happen - tests were all normal and I returned to work that following Friday. Anyway, you also talked about not just surviving but living - that is how I have felt since early 2010 - when I started having more vision problems and I realize I have mainly been surviving with intermintent bouts of real living.

    Ok - so this is really a long, drawn out comment and you may be wondering how it connects to this blog post but what it tells me is that you too look for signs - signs that God is with us - He really does work in mysterious ways. And another reason to live and not just survive - when you are truly living, you are truly open to witness all the mysteries that God brings forth whereas when you are just surviving then you run the risk of missing out. And with the New Year, brings the excitement of wondering what next does He have in store for me.
    Almost done with this comment - I don't usually think or talk the way I just did in the last few sentences. I feel like there is a reason for me to be reading your blog - like having / maintaining a more positive outlook (I tell myself that I am more of a realist than an optimist but who knows, that may change). Hugs to you for all of your great posts - please do keep it up - I love it!
    Back to work I go.
    Mom Kim

    1. Kim I truly believe in God connections! Like it states in my bio, my heart is that somehow in sharing my journey it may help someone else in theirs. I've kept a journal of some kind most of my life. But I never thought I would write my deepest darkest moments and send them into cyber world. I question myself often, wondering if I’m mad…lol. So I have to thank you, it’s comments like yours that give me hope that there is a purpose for my madness. :)
      Sorry for all your loss and the struggle you are having with your health. The friend I write about in this post has struggled for so many years with a health battle….and the frustration of Drs not being able to explain why. That was the reason for the gift, to encourage her. She and I have found, although our afflictions are different God so often use us to minster to one another, because the intensity of the pain is the same. Grieve does not only come with the loss of a loved one. We can struggle with it when we have any kind of loss. And losing one’s health can cause great grieve. As it can so often make it feel like life is moving on without us. My prayer for you Kim for 2014 is that you prosper and be in health….even as your soul prospers :)
      We will both LIVE, fuller, deeper, filled with great joy lives this year!
      Hugs to you!

  2. Thank you for this very beautiful message, Anna..... I believe I needed to know that He indeed sees all and have seen what I was going through...Truly, Anna....He is an awesome God that we can trust wholeheartedly. HE never FAILS and He is the only one who can truly LOVE us without any reservations. Have a beautiful year ahead.


    1. First Jade I want to say thank you for stopping by! :) And yes we serve an awesome God. I thank the Lord you found some comfort in this post. I know that God sees what your going through and care more then words can say. I pray a blessed and a beautiful year ahead for you as well. :)