Saturday, August 31, 2013

You don’t have to be fixed for me.

The greatest support you can give someone who is grieving.  Even long after what most may think is the sufficient time to heal.
Is to be ok with the fact that maybe they are not fixed yet.
Knowing with them, that one day it will be ok again, 
but "one day" is just not here yet.
I know as humans we want the people around us to be ok, to be fixed. Because it makes us feel ok… it makes us feel fixed.
If we are honest with ourselves broken people make us feel broken.
But I thank God for the eyes to see brokenness in others.
And the ability to say “You don’t have to be fixed for me”
That only comes when you’re aware that you’re broken too.

So that’s what the 30 day photo challenge did for me.
Somewhere maybe I thought I would be ok (fixed) after it was all over.
Like I thought when spring came this year after the long cold winter…
or the one year anniversary of Richard going home.
Like the many other mental millstones I’ve made… telling myself “when this happens I will be better”.
But all these things come and go and I’m still broken… I’m not fixed.
So I hang on to this scripture and say it over and over again.

Everlasting joy will crown their heads.
Gladness and joy will overtake them.
Sorrow and sighing will flee away.  ~Isaiah 51:11

I will even play-act it as I say it.
I place an imaginary crown of joy on my head.
I wave my hands over myself as if gladness and joy is overtaking me.
And I fling away sorrow and sighing with a violent thrust of my hands... far,far away from me.
Sometimes you have to look a little crazy to stay sane.
Because if anything is going to fix me it is going to be the word of God.
That is what I have learned from this 30 dog days of summer, photo challenge.
Really dog is only… God spelled backwards. ;)
And it really has been 30 “God” days of summer, photo challenge for me.
And as it has come to an end…
I hear the Lord saying to my heart.

“You don’t have to be fixed for me”.

And I find peace in that.

So my little buddy you don’t have to be fixed for me either.

 Sweet little Jasper with his little blue friend.
He never lets it get far. Like Linus with his blanket. 

I often find him just standing on it like this.

As if he is saying…”I dare you to even try and take it”. Not that anyone would. Even the other dogs know…you don’t touch bluey!

Well Jazzy…you keep squeaking and I’ll keep clicking.
And “one day” is going to come… someday.


  1. A wonderful post today! I believe you and Jasper are in this together and will get thru it together as well. That is so sweet what he does with his blue blanket. My Oscar had a little pink Ty beanie baby that was his security toy. I got a replacement in case it tore up but he only wanted his used and loved one. :)

    1. It is so funny how God can use and a little sausage doggie to help mend a broken heart. Jasper has his little blue tattered sausage doggie ...and Jasper is my wubby. Although I do not stand on him and carry him around in my

  2. That's what I love most about the Christian walk...we are never done and we are never completely fixed. God's grace is sufficient for me. We won't be done or completely fixed until we are Home.


    1. Amen Anne...Amazing sweet the sound! :)

  3. I have not experienced a loss similar to yours -- I wasn't close to any of my grandparents, and my parents are still with me, all aunts, uncles and cousins are around, too. (Although my parents are the only ones I'm close to out of family.) Although I'm 38, so far, I haven't lost a close friend to cancer or an auto accident or something else. *knocks on wood*

    But based on what I've observed in friends who have had a similar loss to yours and found a place of being OK eventually, it's a different kind of OK than what you had before, and accepting/realizing that helps. I'm sure part of the challenge of being OK again is that you can't help but want the life you had before, you want it to be that way again, because you loved that life and it was your very best idea of "OK." But the path to *that* OK is broken by your loss and can't be fixed -- you can't get to that OK again. It's a *different* OK that you seek now.

    I hope that makes sense and isn't too woo-woo/therapy couch! (But if I ruled the world, everyone would have to be in therapy. Also, every town would have an adults-only lazy river because I think peaceful floating solves a lot of problems, too. =.)

    I think of the friend whose husband died somewhat unexpectedly in 2007. The kids had just graduated from college, and they were looking forward to their adult years together. And then cancer snuck up and stole him away less than 6 weeks after a diagnosis. My friend is a strong person and pretty practical, but I also know that I could not know the depths of her grief, how she mourned in private, what her nights were like. Other friends introduced her to someone they wanted her to meet a year or so later and she married that guy in 2011. The kids had a hard time with it at first and I think it was a matter of explaining how she would have loved to have had the rest of her days with their dad (she was stepmom, but they've told her she was as much a mom to them as their birth mom was), but that was no longer an option for her and she still had the rest of *her* days to live. I know she's happy with husband #2 and his family has fully accepted her, but I think it took accepting that Life Plan #1 was no longer an option for her to open her heart to that.

    I'm NOT telling you to get out there and date and marry again. That's for your heart to decide, but not a decision that has to be made today or even in the next five years. I just think it's a good example of embracing the different OK of Life Plan #2.

    1. Um, sorry I wrote so much!

    2. Oh Kerry please do not be sorry for writing so much. I love hearing other peoples thought and views on things.
      That’s why I blog mine, because I want to hear what others have to say.
      It’s funny you shared about wanting the life you had before as being your idea of “ok”.
      It was just this week I had to say out loud to myself.
      “Your life with Richard is over.”
      That came after crying to God…yet again, I WANT HIM BACK!
      But for the first time….I had to hear myself say…
      “Your life with Richard is over.”
      But your comment today put it all together for me.
      “ok” , “fixed”…will not be what I had.
      And although I don’t know what it will look like I know it will come.
      Thank you …for setting up that couch on my blog today…I needed that. :)
      Because I’ve been crying me a river that you could float in…lol

  4. Who is this wise young woman named Kerri.... She expressed her thoughts so beautifully!

    Please save some room on "the couch" for me too. Maybe we can get a group rate :) I'll bring the coffee.


    1.'re too funny. She need to start a blog "The bloggers couch".

      Hugs're in my thoughts and my prayers every day girlfriend!
      I have to believe the surgery being canceled was Gods hand on Grandpa Bob for whatever reason. So rest your weary soul my friend as God takes the reins. :)