Tuesday, November 27, 2012

The island of misfit toys...

Welcome to the island of misfit toy dogs

It’s funny what you can relate to when you are going through a rough time. Last night I put in the dvd of Rudolph thinking that would be a safe carefree thing to watch, I made the mistake over the weekend putting on the Hallmark channel and got sucked into melancholy land…there should be a ticker across the bottom of that channel that reads (do not watch this at Christmas time if your grieving the loss of a loved one!).  So anyway I though Rudolph would be safe. Well I was good until it got to the island of misfit toys.  Then the meltdown began. Never in my wildest imagination did I think I would relate to a stupid cartoon about an island of misfit toys waiting to find a place to belong.  And how they get there is... every night King Moonracer (which is a flying loin) searches the entire earth for misfit toys and brings them back to the island till someone wants them.  Hallmark you sure you didn’t write this?!
I feel like such a misfit right now. I don’t fit in my old world I don’t fit in my new world. I’m just hanging out on this island of misfits waited to find a place to belong again.  
Don't get me wrong I don't feel unloved. I know I'm loved. I just don't feel like I fit anywhere.  In my marriage to Richard even if the world around me was shaky I still always felt I fit somewhere because of our love.  But now my world is shattered. I feel like a train with square wheels or a water gun that shoots jelly. Yes I can so relate to Charlie in the box jack..... I get you man!  I read this in a book recently and though how true...
We long to find someone who has been where we've been, who shares our fragile skies, who sees sunsets with the same shades of blue
Ok so I found it in a cartoon character ...(I'm a misfit what do you want...lol)  
Truthfully this is what I miss the most about my husband ... He was that person. We saw our sunsets the same.... But what we didn't see was that we wouldn't be walking into it together. 

I had a dear friend say to me recently " I envy your ability to feel so much. " 
Well sometimes I sure wish that wasn't the case. I wish I could hide away watching silly cartoons and not have some stupid meltdown because I can feel its pain.  I feel raw, scarred, unfixable. I feel shattered in a million pieces and curled up in a ball of excruciating pain all at the same time. 

I've had my life shattered before. Nothing of course to this degree but I was thinking the other day about this and said to the Lord. "In the past when you brought my life back to a place of restoration I would always look back and say...Wow how did I get here!  Lord this time I want to see the journey." So I guess I'm getting what I asked for.  And if I'm feeling it I'm blogging it so you all get to go along for the ride...yippy!  Richard was always my filter and would tell me "honey don't blog that or say that". Well he's not here to be that anymore so you get the unabridged version...the complete uncensored uncut grieve version. LOL
Well here was King Moonracer's advice to Rudolph…and it’s not too shabby for a cartoon character so I think I’ll follow it…and get off this island.  
(This version made me laugh… it’s the soundtrack fromRudolph but with Disney characters …talk about misfits…lol)


  1. Oh goodness! Now please don't even think for one moment you're a misfit! You're just in transition; beginning anew. But by no means a misfit. Maybe a little deranged now and then.... (Did that make you laugh?) Had to throw in some humor there.

    We like your analogy tho. I know you are lost without Richard and I too wish I could do something about that. But unfortunately I can't. But I can be your friend and I'm here for you. So you'll just have to put up with me and my comments, my blog, and sweet ol'e Grandpa Bob! tee~hee~hee...


    1. Well fine if I'm stuck with you might as well grin and bare it (Did that make YOU laugh?) and yes you made me lol. Thank you my friend I will except your offer...your friendship is a delight to me...and Grandpa Bob is my hero!

      Big Hugs!