Wednesday, November 14, 2012

Things not to say to a grieving person

Now I’ve learned theses the hard way because my beloved Richard has gone home to Jesus.  And I’m sure before this I’ve said some of the most inappropriate things to people who have suffered the loss of a loved one… so this is not meant to condemn anyone.  Just hoping I can save someone, somehow, somewhere some pain.  So here are my top 4 right now...but this list can change

1.    The second years the hardest. (Please let me get through the first before you go predicting the future.)
2.    Did you ever think of grief counseling? (When someone is just trying to share their grief and heart with you…even though it may sound really overwhelming because let’s face it... grief is. This is not the time to suggest counseling. We already feel crazy enough....please don't point it out.  And really how do you council a spirit?)
3.    Do you think maybe you should get rid of some dogs. (Ok so maybe in most cases you wouldn’t say “dogs” lol. But the last thing to say to a grieving person is to tell them to get rid of anything. They just suffered the greatest loss. It’s not a time to give anything else up. )

So then what do you say?

Not much at all…just listen...hug…or talk about good memories you have of their loved one.
Unless you really feel the Holy Spirit has given you something to say…and if you do be gentle… a person grieving is so tender even raw. I really believe the reason Jesus wept when he heard about Lazarus dying is he knew there was nothing he could say to comfort Lazarus's loved ones at that very moment…so he just cried with Mary and Martha for their pain. Even though he knew he was going to raise Lazarus from the dead he still had compassion on where they were.  
Ok so last but not least…but definite my least favorite.
4.    God just needed another angel. (The next flippen person that tells me that I am going to forget I’m a saved, sanctified woman of God and slap them! My husband is not an angel he’s a son of God. Furthermore God don’t kill people to stock his angle army. In fact God don’t kill at all…it’s the other dude (dirt face devil) that steals kills and destroys….read your word peeps!)

I will say this I do know that everyone that tries to comfort me even with inappropriate words is motivated by great love and concern for me and that I do receive. J

 I’ll bring you back home—a great family gathering!...
You’ll see it with your own eyes— all those painful partings turned into reunions!”
        God’s Promise.  Zephaniah 3:20


  1. Oh goodness! I couldn't agree with you more!!!!! This is such a great post and one that should be posted on a BIG sign that is tacked everywhere! Truer words have never been spoken. I heard the same things when my beloved Mother died almost 5 years ago. I will say you are kind tho... You said SLAP, but I wanted to PUNCH!

    You have some very beautiful pictures of Richard. I love the forest shots with the little bit of light shining through.

    And speaking of the little one's, how are all the puppers doing these days?


    1. Believe me slap went through my mind...but the filter was working at that moment. Trust me this is not always the case when I'm
      I'm so sorry about your Mom Kim ...she sure must be proud of what a beautiful person you are :)
      Just think her and Richard are angels in heaven...NOT! Ok, ok don't slap me... lol
      All the pups are doing so well...I have to say better then me right now. They are such a comfort...and are the only reason I get out of bed most days. Big hugs girl and thank you for always stopping by with your sonshine :)

  2. Very well said. May God continue to give you His peace and comfort.
    I had to bite my tongue so hard when my father-in-law died and my mother-in-law kept refering to him as an angel. I corrected her every time in my mind but never said a word. I drove me crazy! I know she misses him but still...
    You gave good advice when you said to just listen and share favorite memories. It's wonderful to talk about the fun things we did with my grandma and listen to the stories my grandpa and dad tell. I love reading your blog. You are such an inspiration.

    1. Anne what a beautiful daughter-in-law you are to not say anything to your Mother-in-law. :) What a testimony of your kind heart. There is a great strength in silent’s that grieving people really need for us all to have the grace to walk in when unexplainable tragedy comes.

  3. I'll start my 5th year of grief for the loss of my daughter on 12/7/07. You lose the particulars from your head, but even 5 years later there is no comfort that any human person can give short of just being there. Then even people being there gets old. I have 7 cats and two doxies and I would seriously lose my religion if anyone told me to get rid of any of them. I'm glad you posted some recent pix of the dogs on the next post. I don't often comment, but have followed your blog all summer and now fall. My heart broke for you and I cry tears for you. Grieving in my spirit for someone I don't know other than we share a love of wiener dogs. I pray that God comforts you thru the holidays.

    Much love from a fellow doxie momma in Florida

    1. Georgia...First I want to say I'm so sorry for the loss of your daughter. I always catch my breath when I read someone's posted comment who has suffered the death of a loved one... because I know what it takes to share that heartbreaking reality. And second I want to say thank you for open up your heart to me a complete stranger and praying for me and reaching out to me with suck kind words. May the Lord shower you with his love and blessings. Although I may never meet you this side of heaven day we will all meet and be with our loved one and there will be no more tears. Big hugs and have a joyful and blessed Thanksgiving!