I often find Gwendolyn doing this when Shannie first gets here. She will find a place across the room from wherever Shannie is and just stare at
her with such intensity.
It's as if she is studying her.
I just find it simply beautiful all the love God has poured into
this tiny little sausage doggies heart for this golden haired girlie.
When Gwenie came to us as a foster dog. My first thought about her was… "Wow I hope she gets adopted fast!" She was wild....in
fact I nick named her the wild child. lol. But God had other plans and I now know He sent this silly stinking wild child just for Shannie.
They are making the kind of little girl and her dog memories every grown
woman should have to look back on.
I wish Jazzy loved me as much as he
loved Richard. Not for me but for him. I've never seen him excited to see me as
he was to see his Daddy. I want him to be happy like that again. That's
why I want him to fall in love with me.
Sometimes I like to imagine when I'm
not around God lets Richard come down and play with him. I know it's a silly
thought but it makes me smile.
One thing I
do find so amazing is how he knows Richard is gone. He never barks when it's
that time Richard should be coming home from work like he always did. I wonder
how does he know?
So my little
man how am I going to make you love me?
Six months ago Richard was promoted to heaven. However I have to
say to be truthful I felt like I was sent to hell. But for God… whose love is
deeper then the deepest pit of despair I don’t feel that way any longer. I have
truly felt the Lord carry me through such moments of sorrow. I felt Him tenderly
hold me when the darkness became so dark it would take my breath away.
I believe the hardest adjustment for me theses 6 months
(besides just missing Richard with every ounce of my being) has been the
feeling like I had been plopped into someone else's world. My life just felt so foreign… like it didn’t fit
me.
But as I have come to except this is my life and find
the “me” again in this strange world. I feel the world coming back under my
feet. Because it sure felt ripped right out from under me. And it doesn't feel so foreign any
longer. It feels different, but I feel hopeful.
Again as I keep my eyes fixed on the promises of God that
say life for His children gets brighter and brighter I find the sorrow
lifting.
The way of the righteous is like the first
gleam of dawn, which shines ever brighter until the full light of day. Proverbs
4:18
A lot of it has been in the little things that are
starting to add up into a feeling of wholeness again. Like having days I don’t
cry. I thought the first time that would occurred I would remember it forever. But I didn’t even notice when that first day
happened. I just know now I have them.
But I know more than anything else it truly is the grace
of God that is bringing me through. Yes… There, for the Grace of God, Go I. So happy 6 months in heaven my dear beloved Richard. By the time you turn around I'll be there. And yes I am hanging on my everything.
Well we sure missed bloggerville . And here is why...
We were finally having the generator installed that
we purchased right after Sandy. Yeah we
were never going through that again! So this
is why no blog yesterday. This
was an 8 hour job...which is a big ordeal with a pack of dogs and all
kinds of strange power tool noises and banging's going on. But at the end of the day I felt like I made
it through another milestone since Richard left for home. Dealing with all this
and the dogs without Richard I didn't think I could do... but I did! And because I'm
so accustom to helping my husband in any home project I just did what I natural
do and lent a hand...but they so appreciate it they took a few hundred dollars off
my bill. (Lord thank you for favor!) Now when I get to heaven I'm gonna have to
give the Hubby a hard time...he never paid me! LOL
I also appreciate people that do things with excellence and
this crew sure did.
And they were pleasant and professional.
The bible says give honor were honors due. So if anyone in the Eastern Pa area is
looking to install a generator I highly recommend...Volkert Electric 610-377-5796.
Oh and I also have to recommend great neighbors.
Two of mine called me to make sure I was not being
robbed when they saw the strange trucks in my driveway.
I love my neighbors!
So now when the power goes out dear neighborhood you all know where to come for warmth, water and a doggie for your lap...lol And as God would say... "Let there be LIGHT!"
Lil Ricky was the perfect little paperweight for the papers on my ridiculously
cluttered desk this morning.
I am such a neat freak when it comes to so many other areas of
my life but not when it comes to my desk. Believe it or not this is an organized mess. This wild system works
for me…but Lord
Jesus help anyone else who may needs to find something on my desk…lol. I guess
we all need a place where the rules go out the window and this is mine. Plus now Lil Ricky wouldn't have a job if I cleaned it up.
I know excuses, excuses…hehehehe
Confess your faults one to another…that you
may be healed. James 5:16
They are the biggest goofballs….Yup I love my Pitty!
I have owned Pit Bulls for years and they truly are the best dogs.
It is a shame that they have been given such a bad rap and have been exploited
by ignorant people.
And what it is they exploit is not their strength…there are stronger
breeds. It is their loyalty to their human…their willingness to do anything for
you. That’s why people fight them. Because they will die for you. Not that I believe everyone
should own a Pit Bull. But I don’t believe
everyone should own a Yorkie either…and then there're some people I don’t think
should own a hamster…but that’s a whole other issue…lol. My point is your lifestyle
needs to meet your dogs needs and each breed has its own unique doggie needs. I can’t say it enough to people "do your research
before you get a dog, find out everything you can about that breed."
Ok I’ll get off my soap box now…can you tell I’m just a little zealous
about dogs…lol
This was sent to me
yesterday from a dear friend whose husband shared a word at my husband’s
memorial service…along with this note of explanation.
Hey lady! I was cleaning this weekend and came across the piece of paper that Irbert wrote on while he was gathering his thoughts of Rich before his memorial service. I put the words into a "wordle" for you to look back on from time to time. We miss Rich and talk of him often around here.
Hope to see you soon! Love you!
Mari
Isn’t that the most precious thoughtful gesture?
These peeps are like our
own children… the love we have for them both is immense.
In fact Irbert lived with
us for 2 years as he was getting ready to go into medical school. Which he is
now through... and we are so proud of our doctor son and the lovely wife God has blessed him with J
I know one of the greatest
moments of joy my husband had was when he stood in at Irbert’s white coat ceremony
the day he was entering into medical school.
I just found photos of that recently
and was thinking how honored and proud Richard was of this man we have come to
think of as our own son.
This ceremony was
also the day we met his beautiful wife to be Mari.
These pictures are their engagement
photos (I did not take). However the person that did captured them so beautifully. But as
beautiful as they both are on the outside they are that and even more on the inside.
As you can tell from Mari’s thoughtfulness.
I love you guys!
And yeah you better get your butts home for a visit soon! LOL
I’m not
sharing this story to bring any praise whatsoever to myself. Because I truly don’t
have the ability to be this thoughtful outside of Jesus…trust me…lol .
Yesterday I
had an appointment at my lawyers and with it being Valentine’s Day I just felt
lead to bring her flowers and tease her since she made the appointment for that
day she must want to be my Valentine. Anyway when I was in the flower shop I asked
God please show me what she likes…because I had noooo clue. So the bouquet I decided on had a bunch of yellow roses in it. Turns out yellow rose are her all time
favorite flower, because they were her mother’s all time favorite, and no matter
where she has ever lived she always has a yellow rose bush, because her mother always
had a yellow rose bush. Now this is the reason I’m even sharing all this…
because I never get tired of seeing Gods love at work in the life of others. God
is so in love with us…He cares about every detail of our lives. I don’t know anything about that woman’s life or
why God wanted to show His love to her in such a tangible way but I do know she
came away feeling so loved by God and so did I. Yeah Jesus is the best Valentine!
Now totally
shifting conversations here… but I just feel like I want to share this. The
reason I was at my lawyers was to pick up my will. I know talking about such
things makes many people uncomfortable. But we must face it …we are part of the
ultimate statistic -10 out of 10 people die. Richard and I talked many times over the years
of what our wishes were if one of us went before the other. Those conversations bring great comfort to me
now. But what I never would have known, was the great comfort I would have because my husband had his affairs in
order. And because of that I feel like I
can’t stress it enough to people…. give this last gift to your loved ones. The
heartache of losing you is more then you can even fathom. Do whatever it is you can this side of eternity
to make that pain not be even more by getting your affairs in order. My sweet Richard even wrote me a letter that
spelled out everything I needed to do. Even though he had verbalized it to me
many times before his passing he still wrote it down. Spelling out step by step what I was to do
next. It was as if he was right beside me saying…"Ok Hon this is what you do …this
is who you call..." I cannot tell you what a gift that has been!
If you think
about it Jesus did it…he told his disciples …"Ok I’m gonna go… this is what you
do". (That’s Anna version…lol) But you can read throughout the gospels before the
cross and after, him instruction them on what to expect. He knew the trauma and
sorrow they were about to face. He also
knew it was all going to be worth it.But knew they wouldn’t know that right away. So he talked to them... he told them...over and over again.
I
guess the point I’m trying to make is he prepared them. And because my sweet husband did the same for me and now I am seeing how overwhelmed
I would be if he hadn’t I feel compelled to share it with as many people as I can.
And if by sharing this causes someone to give
this gift to their loved one…. It will have been worth it.
I had been going back and forth
about an urn for Richards ashes. My dear
brother even offered to make me anything I’d like. He is an amazing master
carpenter. But
just recently I found the perfect bronze
companionurn which was delivered yesterday. It’s not just for
Richard’s remains but mine also. I felt
like it was my Valentine gift from my beloved, and the perfect symbol that we
will be together forever.
I also found it to be perfect because my favorite picture of Richard is of him sitting on our bench. It's how I see him waiting for me to come home, just resting in the Lord's love.
Happy Valentines my beloved Richard….please kiss the face of our one and true Valentine Jesus for me… because He is the best thing that ever happened to us both!
And no Valentine’s Day is complete without Gladys Knight and the
Pips…because …If anyone should ever write my life story for whatever reason
there might be…you’d be there (MY SWEET JESUS) between each line of pain and glory…
cause you’re the best thing that ever happened to me!
I just wanted to share theses pictures of Richard
and Jasper, I came across them the other day.
He so spoiled this little shnubbly… as he affectionately called him. Really he spoiled everyone
he loved! J
With Valentine’s Day tomorrow I search my heart
looking for a sadness I guess my mind thinks should be there… but it’s not. And
I realized why. We lived most days like most people only live Valentine’s Day.
We didn’t wait for that one day in the year to lavish our love on one another
we lived a life of loving and honoring one another….it was our custom our
culture not a holiday we visited one day a year. So although my beloved Valentine
is not here…to touch, to hold, to kiss… and that I will miss till we are
reunited in our heavenly home. However I
do not sorrow because I celebrate and will continue to celebrate that I have
loved and have known love deeper and wider than I ever thought I would or could
this side of heaven. And that love carries me still and is now showing me a
side of the breadth, the length, the height and the depth of the Fathers love I
would never know had it not been for the love of one very special silly man.
I already
posted this on my FB a few days ago for my friends and family but I wanted to
also share it here with my blogger friends who have shared my journey thus far.
I heard this song on a movie the other night and thought it was perfect for a
video I have been wanting to put together in memory of my Beloved Richard. I know the love God gave us was a treasure and
I will never stop celebrating and being thankful for that. J
Just a Note:
The doves in the beginning of this video would often be on our roof last summer
early in the morning cooing away. I just happened to come across some pictures
of them recently and remembered how one day there was only one dove and then I
don’t really remember see them after that. So when the pictures jarred that
memory I was driving down the road pondering it and said to the Lord
“was that some kind of sign?” And just as I asked I turned the corner on
our road and up in a tree there was about 15 or 20 doves. First I’ve never seen
that many doves together …I don’t even know if that’s normal but I do know what
I saw. I have to say I laughed out loud with delight because it was also around
the time God started talking to me about how he had so much more for me in life.
So THAT I did take as a sign of the abundant life I know God still has for me.
Yup it’s all about perspective. As far as Lil Ricky was concerned from
her point of view we had a big blizzard over the weekend. She didn’t see any weather man reports and
she sure wasn’t disappointed in the amount of snow we had. That is what was going
through my mind as I watched her having a blast dashing through the snow.
I have been finding many days grief tries to make me think life and
living is behind me. Just because it isn’t what I expected it to be, and that I will
never enjoy it like I have in the past. But when I turn my perspective to life
is not behind me but is in front of me. I find a great peace. Fortunately our circumstances don’t dictate
the future. And the more I look to God
and the word I find He saves the best for last.
Even though right now my life and wonderful marriage to my sweet Richard
feels like it had to be the pinnacle of my life. I fight not to succumb to that
thought. Not that any part of me can even imagine anything else giving me as
much joy or even more... but because I have to believe GOD SAVES THE BEST FOR
LAST! So whatever that is I don’t know
but I know when I keep my perspective there I find an excitement well up in me.
And I sense the Lord and Richard smiling down every time I allow that anticipation
to flood my soul.
And the LORD blessed the latter days of Job more than his beginning…
Job 42:12
I found this song AFTER I wrote this blog when I was looking up that scripture.
This is spoken at (3:31) in this song….love, love, love it!
Now lift up your hands all over this building. And receive
the word of the Lord. You may
have come through some situations
and circumstances. Look at me
for a minute. How many of you
know that the Bible declares that the end of a thing is better than
the beginning of a thing. God
knows the end from the beginning,
and God promises that the glory of the latter house shall be greater
than the glory of the former house.
I just want to take a moment
right now and minister to those of you that have been through
something, and the enemy has lied to you, and told you that the
best is behind you. I’ve come
to call the devil a liar, and say that
the best is in front of you, that your latter will be greater, that
you
haven’t seen anything yet.
Your best days, and your blessed days,
they are ahead of you. That
your problems don’t equal your
promises. The Devil’s “no”
cannot compete with God’s “yes.”
