Tuesday, January 15, 2013

The ugly days

Yes even Gods children have them.  Sometimes the overwhelming hurts in life squeeze the ugly out of us. That’s what the last few days have been for me.  I feel like the darkest places in my soul have been ripped open and all the poison is coming out. No one likes this place… we don’t like to look vulnerable, weak, human….To lose it when we feel injustice has been done to us. Especially us Christians.  Man we want to always look all put together.  But we’re not and even when we think we are… we’re not.
The song I posted yesterday I watched over and over again…and at one point I saw something in the video I had never seen before. …It was what the girl was writing in the diary…here are still shots of the two clips I’m speaking about.

In case you’re having a hard time reading them this is what they say…
I am alone. There are times when it seems as if no one sees me, no one in the world knows who I am, sees who I am. I want to be seen.

Those words made me realize what I was really, really missing.  And that was how Richard knew me like no other person.  How he could look at my face and read my heart. Even when I couldn’t put into words what I was feeling he could. He knew me ….he saw me…he got me. he protected me, covered me, came to my rescue.

So as I looked at those video clips it hit me…it finally hit me what God was saying to me all day long… in many different ways….I even posted it on yesterday’s blog  because the woman sings it in the lyrics….and every time I heard it, it hit my soul….  YOU SEE ME! But I still didn’t get the fullness of it then. 
God knew were my soul hurt even when I couldn’t put words to it ….he looked at my face and read my heart. He squeezed out the ugly to get to that raw place that needed his loving touch. He knew why I was feeling so mad at the whole world…because there is no one here that can take the place of Richard but Him.  He knows his Anna …He sees me…He gets me... He’s for me...He’s my protection…He’s my covering.... He's the one who  rescues me ….Yes even on the ugly days.

So before all that above....below is what my blog post was going to be today…I still think it fits...

I think this is how our Mountains must look to God...

Who are you, O great mountain? Before Zerubbabel you shall become a plain: and he shall bring forth its headstone with shoutings, crying, Grace, Grace unto it. Zechariah 4:7

Mountain of grief I speak those words to you!


  1. OK, here I am, ready to give you a BIG loving hug. I think you need that right now. And if that's not enough, I'll send Lily and Muffin over to give you some of their doxie loving. And if we need even MORE reinforcement than that, look out.... Grandpa Bob is always at the willing and able. He'll keep you on your toes. He'll talk to you until he can talk no more. I can't guarantee that it will all make sense, but that's how he rolls. A guaranteed laugh for you :)

    We all have our Ugly Days. And you well know, some (unfortunately) last longer than others. I think you need a good ol'e dose of Shannie to brighten your spirits. Remember, she brings much JOY to your heart when she is around.

    Don't worry Anna, we'll get you there, one step at a time. Even if it takes us a while, we promise to do our very best to get you smiling once again.


    1. Ok I feel hugged up for sure now. And I bet a conversation with Grandpa Bob is the most delightful thing ever!
      I will see Shannie my JOY tomorrow.
      And thank you for the support …I feel loved :)

      The pack and I send BIG loving hugs right back to you all!

  2. Anna, you bring me to tears so often. I do not want to know your pain, but unfortunately, probably will some day. Just remember there is always beauty even in ugly. Wipe the ugly off and shine. Shine on....

    1. Super Buck, I pray you never know this pain….I’m sorry my pain even brings you pain. I just need somewhere to process. I’m trying to shine for Jesus….just some days are hard….but when all the people around me keep shining…you get me through the darkness! Thank you so much for just being out there! :)

  3. Genesis 16:13 She gave this name to the Lord who spoke to her: "You are the God who sees me," for she said, "I have now seen the One who sees me."

    Psalm 139:15 My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth.

    Daniel 2:22 he reveals deep and hidden things; he knows what is in the darkness, and the light dwells with him.

    Psalm 91:4 He will cover you with his pinions,and under his wings you will find refuge; his faithfulness is a shield and buckler.

    These verses came to mind as I read your blog. Psalm 139 is my favorite chapter. God is good, all the time! All the time, God is good!

    1. Anne thank you for these words of life....I cried as I read everyone of them....perfect just perfect!