The ugly days

Yes even Gods children have them.  Sometimes the overwhelming hurts in life squeeze the ugly out of us. That’s what the last few days have been for me.  I feel like the darkest places in my soul have been ripped open and all the poison is coming out. No one likes this place… we don’t like to look vulnerable, weak, human….To lose it when we feel injustice has been done to us. Especially us Christians.  Man we want to always look all put together.  But we’re not and even when we think we are… we’re not.

The song I posted yesterday I watched over and over again…and at one point I saw something in the video I had never seen before. …It was what the girl was writing in the diary…here are still shots of the two clips I’m speaking about.

In case you’re having a hard time reading them this is what they say…

I am alone. There are times when it seems as if no one sees me, no one in the world knows who I am, sees who I am. I want to be seen.

Those words made me realize what I was really, really missing.  And that was how Richard knew me like no other person.  How he could look at my face and read my heart. Even when I couldn’t put into words what I was feeling he could. He knew me ….he saw me…he got me. he protected me, covered me, came to my rescue.

So as I looked at those video clips it hit me…it finally hit me what God was saying to me all day long… in many different ways….I even posted it on yesterday’s blog  because the woman sings it in the lyrics….and every time I heard it, it hit my soul….  YOU SEE ME! But I still didn’t get the fullness of it then. 

God knew were my soul hurt even when I couldn’t put words to it ….he looked at my face and read my heart. He squeezed out the ugly to get to that raw place that needed his loving touch. He knew why I was feeling so mad at the whole world…because there is no one here that can take the place of Richard but Him.  He knows his Anna …He sees me…He gets me... He’s for me...He’s my protection…He’s my covering.... He's the one who  rescues me ….Yes even on the ugly days.

 J

So before all that above....below is what my blog post was going to be today…I still think it fits...

I think this is how our Mountains must look to God...

Who are you, O great mountain? Before Zerubbabel you shall become a plain: and he shall bring forth its headstone with shoutings, crying, Grace, Grace unto it. Zechariah 4:7

Mountain of grief I speak those words to you!