Monday, September 3, 2012

The saddest day of my life

That morning Richard was so happy because he had off for the first time in 8 days and we had nothing to do. He said we are going to watch movies and have a nice dinner and just enjoy our day. We had our prayer time and our normal enjoyable chit chat over our morning coffee with dogs weaving in and out of our feet under the table vying for a spot on our laps.  He got up at one point and said he needed to get some aspirin. I teased him and said “what’s wrong baby did I give you a headache already?”  He said “No wifey I have a back ache” and we both chuckled.  He went outside to say hi to the neighbor and while he was gone the phone rang. It was a dear friend of ours and she needed to know if we knew of a good plumber because she had no water. I told her I would have Richard call when he came back in the house.  Of course knowing my man who was very handy he called her back and said he would come take care of it.  When he got off the phone he just smiled and said at least I’m off and can help her.  He was gone for about an hour and I got a phone call from him he was coming home... I was surprised and said “wow you're done already?” He said “no she needed a new water tank” so he sent her and her husband to go get it and because it was going to take them a few hours he wanted to come home to hang with me. We played Frisbee with Jebediah and I took a bunch of pictures of them…we just had a really nice time.  We kissed goodbye a few hours later and out the door he went.  I was sitting at my computer playing a praise song and worshiping the Lord.  The dogs decided they wanted to go out so I got up and took them. I was standing  by the back fence gate, looking into the field and this feeling of unbelievable sadness came over me and I just felt something go through me…I don’t really know how to explain this part.  I started to cry and said to God “what is this? I don’t like this season you are bringing me into”…and a second later my phone rang in my hand. It was my girlfriend’s husband and he said Richard had collapsed on the ground and was not breathing.  I don’t really remember much after that everything is patchy. I remember not being able to dial the phone because I was trying to call my Mom….I don’t know how long it took me to remember it just seemed like forever. I kept saying to myself “Anna you can do this, you can dial a phone” over and over again but I just couldn’t remember.  He died instantly… I know now what I felt was him leaving.  We were one…he couldn’t leave without me knowing…because a piece of my soul went with him. So now I embark on a journey I would have never chosen for myself but I serve a God whom I trust completely and I’m hiding under His wing till the storm calms and the sun comes out again.




  1. Oh my gosh. I am so, incredibly sorry for this retched loss. There are no words.
    But I know that God will guide you through this very dark time, and keep your husband safe with him in Heaven till it comes time for you to join them. Hugs and more hugs to you
    Nola and Mom

  2. hello
    this is the first time,i write to you but i just wanted to tell you that my heart breaks reading this.
    its so sad seein this wonderful love leave,but for some reason,that is too long to explain in short form i know that he will wait for you till xou are ready to follow.
    and i know,you will never be really alone cause he will watch over you and your furbabies all the time,till reunion.
    dont be affraid and stay strong,you are a wonderful person(wich i know,just from this little blog) and times will be better again.
    i wished,i could hug you and do something to etter your sadness but im sending you good thoughts and will say a prayer for you.
    anni,the fixbrothermomma

  3. Thank you for reaching out to me and your kind words everyone I can't tell you how much it means to me. Hugs Anna

  4. I can't even fathom just how hard that post was for you to write Anna. Our heart is breaking along with yours. Thank you for sharing those wonderful pictures of Richard with us; a little peek into his life. From the video, we can see that Richard had such a beautiful soul.

    You have such a strong faith and we know that God will guide you as you start on this new Journey.

    Sending you many blessings to help you through your day.


  5. Hi Anna, we are so very sorry for the loss of your beloved Richard. Had not been on for several days. Just finished reading your last several posts on his unexpected passing. How beautiful and loving is your writing during such a painful time. Can only imagine how tough things are right now. However, your strong faith will pull you through these very difficult days. We can see and understand only small fragments of God's plan. May He comfort your heart and give you some peace through out the weeks & months ahead. Also, additional strength to carry you forward until that day you are re-united with Richard through Him. We'll be keeping you and your entire family in prayer.

    Baxter, Baxter's Mom & Dad

  6. So very sorry for your the loss of your soulmate...I will keep you all in my prayers!!!!!!

  7. Beth ( 5, 2012 at 8:57 AM

    We have never met....but I wanted to tell you how very sorry I am for the loss you have suffered. You are in my prayers.

  8. Your post, is so heart breaking and I am so very sorry to read of your sweet loves passing. The photos you chose of your beautiful husband are simply glorious. What an incredible presence of life and happiness they show. I love the one of him standing in front of the field with his arms open wide.

    I am late in reading these posts due to my own life happening in ways I didn't want but I will light some candles and keep you close to my heart in prayer.

    Sarah & le Weens

  9. Everyone thank you again for being so kind to me and sharing such comforting words with me!
    You are all such a blessing!